I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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