my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
