I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
