Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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