so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm both gender and math confused
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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