how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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