I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
