I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
