i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
