Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
