How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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