So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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