Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
