If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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