last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
