I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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