i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
