surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
