Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
