found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
