it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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