OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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