quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
