his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We left the knife in your bed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
