my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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