you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
