Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
