I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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