My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
being pregnant is like rehab
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
