How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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