And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
