her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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