All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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