we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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