Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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