If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
pop tarts are not kleenex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
