So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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