Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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