i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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