R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
