Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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