ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
