we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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