she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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