Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
