True but thats because hes a fetus.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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