she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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