How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
