Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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