it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
