This is not my ceiling
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
